Nudge the Vampire: How Edward Cullen Died
by KaylaAnonymous
Summary: I want to, like, suck your blood, and like, be your ever loving girlfriend, like, right now! Nudge's immortal words ring in our ears forevermore, reminding us of that fateful day when Nudge came to the inescapable conclusion of vampirism.  Comedy
1. Chapter 1

**This story is for entertainment only, completely comedy and is not ment to taken litterally. Please enjoy it and review.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Maximum Ride, I wouldn't be here.**

**Iggy's POV**

"Hey guys so today Nudge and I are going to be telling you about-" I started but was rudely interrupted by Nudge.

"Today, _I'm_ going to be telling you about an interesting event that happened to me. The day I became a vampire and almost ran away to vegas with my vampire boyfriend, Edward."

"Nudge he wasn't a real-" I began but once again was interrupted.

"VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND!" I held up my hands in defeat, figuring she's had a bad enough day.

"It was a cold, dark night that day..."

**Nudge's POV**

I was at the house talking to Max but she wanted me to shut up so she gave me her credit card and sent me away to the mall. I love the mall. I wish the mall could be my ring tone. But I never got there. See, on the way to the mall I saw this really hot guy who was sitting under a tree. A pine tree to be exact. He looked kind of lonely over there all alone so I skipped on over and introduced myself.

He seemed very nice and offered to show me his car, which I thought would be totally awesome because guys with cars are so cool. So, I agreed but when we got alone at his car he seemed to be acting different.

"Is something wrong?" I asked being my nice and concerned self.

"Yeah. But not for long." He said grabbing my wrist and pushing me up against his car. I squirmed around to get away but nothing seemed to work which is strange because he was just a regular human right? Well that's what I thought until he grew fangs and started sucking the blood out of my body.

I thought it was going to be painful so at first I started screaming like "AH, BLOODSUCKER!" but then I realized it tickled more then anything else.

After that it was pretty much just a blur. I woke up under the tree. The Pine tree. But the hot guy was gone. I knew what had happened. I had been turned into a vampire."This was going to be awesome" I thought out loud "Who am I gonna kill first-" But then something happened. Something that I did not expect. I had the the insatiable thirst for watermelon. But that didn't even make any sense. Vampires don't eat actual food.

I shrugged, I guess my Avian DNA, mixed with Vampire DNA gives me the over whelming urge to eat watermelon. Strange.

I walked across the street into the market and bought four watermelons. But I didn't necessarily eat then, I just kind of sucked the juice out of them. In the end they looks like giant raisins.

I looked at the clock, it was almost six! Max was going to kill me. Wait, I'm already dead. I left the store in a hurry, and started walking back home when I saw the most beautiful thing in the whole world.

A poster. But not just any poster. It was a poster advertising the premiere of Breaking Dawn, the newest Twilight movie, with a special meet and greet with Edward Cullen! (Robert Pattinson) I just had to go!

I walked up to the counter and bought my ticket. But I wasn't planning on watching the movie today. I was going to find Edward and demand he come with me to Vegas and have little vampire babies.

I took a back entrance into the building and sat in his dressing room for what felt like hours. And right before I was about to give up, right before I was about to leave, I saw him.

"Oh my gosh! It's so crazy that we are both here! It's like the heavens above have gotten us together knowing that it's meant to be except the fact I broke in here and this is your dressing room so I obviously knew that you were going to be here!" I said.

"Um, Who are you and how did you get in my dressing room?" he asked staring at me.

"I'm Nudge! But don't be afraid! I'm a vampire too so, it's like, okay!" He looked at me like I was speaking a different language.

"Right...Security?" Edward said reaching for the door handle, but before he could blink I ran over and covered Edward's mouth.

"It's alright my lover! You don't need Security, I'm here to protect you. What's wrong?"

"MmMMmm!" Edwin mumbled into my hand.

"I'm sorry what was that?" I asked.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Edward screamed pushing me away from him.

"But, But, I want to, like, suck your blood, and like, be your ever loving girlfriend, like, right now!" I exclaimed.

The security guards burst through the door and each grabbedme by the arm carrying me out of the dressing room.

"No, You can't do this to me! Stop it! Edward help me!" I yelled kicking the guards and squirming my arms trying to break free.

"My name is _Robert_!"

And that's how it ended. I was dragged away from the love of my life, just as he told me his darkest secret. Don't worry Edward I will not tell anyone your real name is Robert. And one day, I promise that we will be reunited once again.

I was sitting outside the theater, all alone when Max found me.

"Nudge what are you doing?" She asked. I told her the whole story on how I was thrown out of Edward- I mean Robert's room and they wouldn't let me in. Well, Max didn't like that very well.

**Max's POV**

I stormed into the building outraged that those lousy security guards laid one hand on a member of my flock. I kicked down Roberts door and glared at him.

"C'mon not another one! Look I already told your friend-Hey wait, you look like Max, from that Maximum Ride book." Robert started but it was too late for small talk. I took a knife and stabbed him through his heart.

"You are _NOT_ going to be in MY movie." I stated leaving him there to bleed to 's what you get, when you mess with the Maximum Ride movie.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N

Hey guys, So I uploaded this at about midnight late night on my time and didn't seem to get as many reviews and I'd like.

So please review. :) I might do more like this if you like it. And i'll also except one-shot ideas for comedy, or any other kind that you want. You can review about it or Private Message me. I will give you credit for the idea if you would like. Just let me know ;)


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